- the state of being happy.
Sounds pretty simple but this state of mind is very hard to acquire. And once you do acquire it, the paranoia of losing it takes over your brain. It’s kinda the same with me. Lately, I have felt scared to feel happy because I know, in some corner of my mind, that it’ll not last. Something or the other happens and everything comes crashing down. It really hurts. You just feel so empty at times. I am known to be able to handle a lot of physical pain. But what about emotional pain? I honestly don’t know. I just try to ignore the pain and the sadness for so long that it kinda keeps building up inside until it hits you like a tidal wave. The emotions just sweep you away. And as I lay in my bed, crying my eyes out, a hand over my mouth so as to not make any sound and the other on my chest because it hurts so much, I just can’t handle it. My life has been so confusing lately that I don’t even know whom I should be confronting about my problems.